the epiphany

So it came to me today...I slept horribly but I guess I had a moment of clarity at some point.

Some people need to feel the pity of others to survive.  I am not one of these people.  So today I had to take a dive into understanding others which in turn helped me understand myself and I feel better about things.  I feel liberated.

Just to let you know there are a lot of these people out there.  I work with these people, I am friends with these people and some are even in my own family.  These people may or may not want to change their lives for the better, but I believe they don't because they have an insatiable need for people to feel sorry for them.  I, again, am not one of these people.  I don't think I am anyway.




I hate when people feel sorry for me.  Apparently some people crave this.  I pride myself on overcoming obstacles and making decisions to better my life without involving others.  Not all the time, and obviously I consult my own husband on certain issues that will affect both of us, but in general I try to change things before people can get any whiff of anything that is ailing me.

These are the same people that don't hear me.  I think they may hear me, or hear parts of what I am saying, but choose not to really listen because if they listen and make a change in their life for the better, they won't have anyone feeling sorry for them anymore.  Sometimes these people hear what I say, but mold it in a way to fit their own reality and take it so far from reality I don't even want to be associated with it anyway.

These people are exhausting.  They make my life needlessly stressful.  But they are family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers and they are a part of my life and I must try to understand them and adapt my communication style with them to achieve the best for both of us.

Things to remember:  Telling my epiphany to Andy and having us both feel pride in ourselves and the relationship we have, even though we go through our share of rough patches since our future is so uncertain at the moment.  We are in this life together and we don't feel sorry for ourselves or each other and we will make the best of whatever is thrown in our path.  <3

You can't be heard if there is no one listening

So it was a pretty shitty day but rather than dwell on that I will post some positive thoughts:

I don't claim to be an expert in anything, but I think I do a pretty good job living my life.  Its not the best life, but its a good one.  I feel I do my best to find the positive in people/situations.  How does the saying go?  "Accept what you cannot change, change what you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference".  "If life gives me lemons I make lemonade".  I certainly have a lot of lemons...

I learned some lessons today.  I think of myself as a pretty good listener.  I try to motivate people, try to encourage them, try to lift their spirits when they are down.  Some people just don't want to hear it though.  They long for a life that is happy and drama free...but I don't think they would know what to do with that life.  Why do people always have to complicate things?  I don't know if its my "hippie" surroundings.  I don't do drugs so I am not out of touch with reality...am I?  Maybe I am the one doing it all wrong...

I don't really know what I am saying here other than you can't be heard if no one is listening.  I have experience in many things, and I try to share my insight to make life easier for people, make less work, etc. and it seems that it falls on deaf ears.  I need to work on how I convey my ideas and insights I guess.  As the other saying goes, "you can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results".  If you aren't getting the results you want, instead of blaming others, look within and see if there is something in yourself that you can change.  You only have the power to change yourself. 

I have thought about religion lately too...more along the lines of Buddhism or that thing that Madonna practices...Kabballah?  I need some sort of practice that will allow me to look within myself and understand the world and other people better and on a different level.

Things to remember:  salty fries from McDonalds on the way home...boy did I need those!

nothing to say

I have to get the hang of this blog thing.  I really don't have anything to write about today.  For a Monday it wasn't a bad day.

I guess maybe there is so much to say that I don't know where to start?  Ugh I dunno.  I have a headache so maybe my creative juices are being supressed?

Things to remember:  grilled cheese at 10pm...so yummy!

something new

So I have never blogged before but I thought I might find it therapeutic to just get my thoughts out there...kind of like a diary but one that everyone sees.

Not much to say right now, just testing this out to see what it will look like and playing with templates and such.