Well its been a crazy few weeks...can't even tell you whats been going on but just that its been ongoing. Non stop it seems.
Doug and the kids left Monday. Its sad but at the same time I feel a sense of relief for all of them. The turmoil is *hopefully* over and they can all get into a normal groove. I still can't believe how fucked up that whole situation turned out to be. Still shaking my head trying to figure out what went wrong and when. I can almost trace it back to when she finally realized he really wanted to be with her. I think she freaked or got possessive or something...whatever it is or was, its done. In a lot more ways than I thought it would be. I miss Doug and the kids but I think a trip down to see them every now and then is not impossible and I hope they come up and visit us occasionally. Would have been nice to have them here for the summer...oh well.
Work has actually been going pretty well. We seem to be getting better at communicating with each other and working together. The drive still sucks but as long as I don't dread going, its OK.
Off tomorrow and we are going to clean out the bedrooms in anticipation of Andy's parents coming to visit. I want to get the office made into a real looking bedroom for Andys gram and put a door up for her. Maybe get some shelves put up in the closet in the dining room like Doug suggested a while ago and Andy can use that closet for tools and such.
DMB concert next week and the 4th of July. We are planning on having some peeps over before the show like we always do. Gotta figure out what to make...pulled pork again? hmmm
I guess that is all...nothing much else going on.
Hiller had her baby on Monday. Kameron Joseph. Havent seen him yet but the pics are adorable. Kinda makes me want to have one. Time is a ticking...
Things to remember: staying up alone and watching CSI last night, cheesey potatoes, Follow you follow me on the ride home
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
feeling poor but rich at the same time
So I say it all the time...I may not have much but I am happy. And I am...but I would definitely be happier with more money.
Pulled our credit reports today. No surprises there. Depressing. We really need to work on getting our credit rating back up. I just got the reports no scores. Maybe I should apply for a credit card. We are so bad with them though...but I guess it would help.
We have zero savings, next to nothing for retirement, no life insurance except for the one policy I have through work. Maybe I should talk to a financial advisor. Ha...no money to work with means...well, no money!
We cashed the check from Nicole today. Gosh that pains me. I don't want anything from her, but we need the money. Every item she has ever given me makes me cringe. Like they all have dollar amounts on them...something I owe her back. As I sit in the recliner that we paid $20 for. I want to take it outside and burn it.
Did some gardening today at my moms. Got some weeds pulled and cleaned things up so Andy can finish the mulch tomorrow or over the weekend. Next our house? Lets hope. I mean its only the middle of June. No garden for me I guess.
Work all weekend...Andy may go to Pike Friday night to Saturday. I work til 6:30 Sunday and I was thinking we could have Doug and the kids over for Father's Day. (So Doug, if you are reading, let me know. LOL.) I want Father's Day to be special for him since he is so far away from family right now. So, we are family...I hope that is how they feel anyway.
No days off again until next Thursday and Friday. Roger Waters concert the Wall on Thursday! Really looking forward to it. I know Brad and Erika are going and I think Debo. I was thinking about making pulled pork or carnitas or something. Something that we can just keep in the crock pot and eat before and after the show. We shall see.
I guess that is all for today...
Things to remember: feeling poor, back hurting from pulling weeds, andy snoring on the couch, the cool breeze, knowing that I may not have a lot, but I have a lot more than some people
Pulled our credit reports today. No surprises there. Depressing. We really need to work on getting our credit rating back up. I just got the reports no scores. Maybe I should apply for a credit card. We are so bad with them though...but I guess it would help.
We have zero savings, next to nothing for retirement, no life insurance except for the one policy I have through work. Maybe I should talk to a financial advisor. Ha...no money to work with means...well, no money!
We cashed the check from Nicole today. Gosh that pains me. I don't want anything from her, but we need the money. Every item she has ever given me makes me cringe. Like they all have dollar amounts on them...something I owe her back. As I sit in the recliner that we paid $20 for. I want to take it outside and burn it.
Did some gardening today at my moms. Got some weeds pulled and cleaned things up so Andy can finish the mulch tomorrow or over the weekend. Next our house? Lets hope. I mean its only the middle of June. No garden for me I guess.
Work all weekend...Andy may go to Pike Friday night to Saturday. I work til 6:30 Sunday and I was thinking we could have Doug and the kids over for Father's Day. (So Doug, if you are reading, let me know. LOL.) I want Father's Day to be special for him since he is so far away from family right now. So, we are family...I hope that is how they feel anyway.
No days off again until next Thursday and Friday. Roger Waters concert the Wall on Thursday! Really looking forward to it. I know Brad and Erika are going and I think Debo. I was thinking about making pulled pork or carnitas or something. Something that we can just keep in the crock pot and eat before and after the show. We shall see.
I guess that is all for today...
Things to remember: feeling poor, back hurting from pulling weeds, andy snoring on the couch, the cool breeze, knowing that I may not have a lot, but I have a lot more than some people
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Done with a lot of stuff
So I came back from vacation on Wednesday and I have realized I am done with a lot of shit I have been holding on to for way too long.
It is kind of sad how friendships just end sometimes. Maybe not even end but go on hiatus. No bad feelings, just going separate ways. I have been trying to hold on to a friendship that for the past year or so has really been bringing me down. I need to let go. For me, for the friend, for a lot of reasons.
I used to think that a girl needed girlfriends. Close girlfriends. Not even several, just one. That if you didn't have that one friend who was like a sister to you that you had missed out. That there must be something wrong with you...maybe you are a loner? I would happily live my life without ever having another girlfriend ever. I am so much happier being just one of the guys. I would rather spend time with my sister and niece and mom than any girlfriend I can think of.
Sure I have friends. Friends at work that I go out with. Girls I used to work with and used to go to school with that I am friends with on Facebook or whatever. We go to dinner, chat, text, etc. And that is all well and good. And that is all I need. They give me advice and I give them mine. We laugh and have a good time. There isn't any judging.
But lately I have come to realize that deep down, Andy is my best friend and the only one I really ever need. He gets me, he doesn't judge me. He listens. We have fun together without even thinking about it. We went on a 14 hour road trip and it was awesome! Listening to music, navigating, eating, talking, dreaming.
I would so much rather go fishing than go to the mall.
Am I weird?
Some people say I mold my life around Andy. I say Andy and I have molded our lives together. We do what I want, we do what he wants. We do what WE want.
And if you don't get it, and you don't understand it, and you judge me, then fuck you.
I have all I need, and all I want, and I may be broke, and I may have unfulfilled dreams but I wake up everyday and I AM HAPPY. Happy with less, happy with the unknown, happy with where we have come from and where we are going. I AM HAPPY in my own skin. I don't need to be dragged down into how you are never going to be happy in yours.
Looking around me I find lots of ladies with close guy friends, and hardly any girlfriends. My sister, my niece, a girl at work, me. I would so much rather confide in a guy friend than a girl these days. Girls are catty and manipulative and down right two faced.
So this is all over the place but its the first step in letting go. Its not forever, but right now, this friendship is not for me. I have a life to live and I am tired of feeling guilty about being happy without this weight on my shoulders. Every day gets a little easier. Its sad but its necessary.
Things to remember: The Hanukkah song, steaks and boobies, feeling lonely while Andy is at SPAC seeing DMB, rooting for the Kings to win the cup, Chinese food alone, hopeful for the future...a big weight off my shoulders...sad and happy at the same time. One chapter ending and another about to begin.
It is kind of sad how friendships just end sometimes. Maybe not even end but go on hiatus. No bad feelings, just going separate ways. I have been trying to hold on to a friendship that for the past year or so has really been bringing me down. I need to let go. For me, for the friend, for a lot of reasons.
I used to think that a girl needed girlfriends. Close girlfriends. Not even several, just one. That if you didn't have that one friend who was like a sister to you that you had missed out. That there must be something wrong with you...maybe you are a loner? I would happily live my life without ever having another girlfriend ever. I am so much happier being just one of the guys. I would rather spend time with my sister and niece and mom than any girlfriend I can think of.
Sure I have friends. Friends at work that I go out with. Girls I used to work with and used to go to school with that I am friends with on Facebook or whatever. We go to dinner, chat, text, etc. And that is all well and good. And that is all I need. They give me advice and I give them mine. We laugh and have a good time. There isn't any judging.
But lately I have come to realize that deep down, Andy is my best friend and the only one I really ever need. He gets me, he doesn't judge me. He listens. We have fun together without even thinking about it. We went on a 14 hour road trip and it was awesome! Listening to music, navigating, eating, talking, dreaming.
I would so much rather go fishing than go to the mall.
Am I weird?
Some people say I mold my life around Andy. I say Andy and I have molded our lives together. We do what I want, we do what he wants. We do what WE want.
And if you don't get it, and you don't understand it, and you judge me, then fuck you.
I have all I need, and all I want, and I may be broke, and I may have unfulfilled dreams but I wake up everyday and I AM HAPPY. Happy with less, happy with the unknown, happy with where we have come from and where we are going. I AM HAPPY in my own skin. I don't need to be dragged down into how you are never going to be happy in yours.
Looking around me I find lots of ladies with close guy friends, and hardly any girlfriends. My sister, my niece, a girl at work, me. I would so much rather confide in a guy friend than a girl these days. Girls are catty and manipulative and down right two faced.
So this is all over the place but its the first step in letting go. Its not forever, but right now, this friendship is not for me. I have a life to live and I am tired of feeling guilty about being happy without this weight on my shoulders. Every day gets a little easier. Its sad but its necessary.
Things to remember: The Hanukkah song, steaks and boobies, feeling lonely while Andy is at SPAC seeing DMB, rooting for the Kings to win the cup, Chinese food alone, hopeful for the future...a big weight off my shoulders...sad and happy at the same time. One chapter ending and another about to begin.
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