Done with a lot of stuff

So I came back from vacation on Wednesday and I have realized I am done with a lot of shit I have been holding on to for way too long.

It is kind of sad how friendships just end sometimes.  Maybe not even end but go on hiatus.  No bad feelings, just going separate ways.  I have been trying to hold on to a friendship that for the past year or so has really been bringing me down.  I need to let go.  For me, for the friend, for a lot of reasons.

I used to think that a girl needed girlfriends.  Close girlfriends.  Not even several, just one.  That if you didn't have that one friend who was like a sister to you that you had missed out.  That there must be something wrong with you...maybe you are a loner?  I would happily live my life without ever having another girlfriend ever.  I am so much happier being just one of the guys.  I would rather spend time with my sister and niece and mom than any girlfriend I can think of. 

Sure I have friends.  Friends at work that I go out with.  Girls I used to work with and used to go to school with that I am friends with on Facebook or whatever.  We go to dinner, chat, text, etc.  And that is all well and good.  And that is all I need.  They give me advice and I give them mine.  We laugh and have a good time.  There isn't any judging.

But lately I have come to realize that deep down, Andy is my best friend and the only one I really ever need.  He gets me, he doesn't judge me.  He listens.  We have fun together without even thinking about it.  We went on a 14 hour road trip and it was awesome!  Listening to music, navigating, eating, talking, dreaming.

I would so much rather go fishing than go to the mall.

Am I weird?

Some people say I mold my life around Andy.  I say Andy and I have molded our lives together.  We do what I want, we do what he wants.  We do what WE want.

And if you don't get it, and you don't understand it, and you judge me, then fuck you.

I have all I need, and all I want, and I may be broke, and I may have unfulfilled dreams but I wake up everyday and I AM HAPPY.  Happy with less, happy with the unknown, happy with where we have come from and where we are going.  I AM HAPPY in my own skin.  I don't need to be dragged down into how you are never going to be happy in yours.

Looking around me I find lots of ladies with close guy friends, and hardly any girlfriends.  My sister, my niece, a girl at work, me.  I would so much rather confide in a guy friend than a girl these days.  Girls are catty and manipulative and down right two faced.

So this is all over the place but its the first step in letting go.  Its not forever, but right now, this friendship is not for me.  I have a life to live and I am tired of feeling guilty about being happy without this weight on my shoulders.  Every day gets a little easier.  Its sad but its necessary.

Things to remember:  The Hanukkah song, steaks and boobies, feeling lonely while Andy is at SPAC seeing DMB, rooting for the Kings to win the cup, Chinese food alone, hopeful for the future...a big weight off my shoulders...sad and happy at the same time.  One chapter ending and another about to begin.