That was my fortune in my fortune cookie last night. I don't think so. I have not forgotten and I have no desire to reconcile. When you experience a loss you have feelings of loss, and I have not had any. In fact, I feel a burden off me. Andy still wants to write her a letter. He can if he wants. I was there for her and did what I could. She didn't do the same for me. She never even asked me how I was...hardly ever. I would call her with a problem and want to talk and the conversations would always end up being about her and her problems. No more.
Maybe there is another old friend I will reconcile with. No one that I feel I need to reconcile with. Maybe Michele and Corey? Who knows.
So I am still recovering from vacation. I guess that means it was a good vacation...and it was. We had a good time but it was just exhausting. Lots of driving...to CT, MA, RI, back to CT, MA, NY. We did the jetboat, toured the falls, went to the fair. Drank a lot. I think I had hard liquor every day. Fun times I say.
Still havent started my exercise routine but I did start at my new store and I am loving it. I do miss my old store but I do not miss the commute and so far everyone has been really nice there and I think I will fit in well. Kim is committed to helping people move up and get better at what they do so she will definitely be a friend and not a foe. There is something in it for her to make me succeed and I think I will do just that.
Paul had his last chemo treatment today and goes for a CAT scan on 9/11 to find out about radiation. The buzz right now is that he will need 34 treatments and they do them 5 days a week. Yuck. We are hoping the scan will show he won't need that much but we are thinking he will need the radiation anyway.
Andy is applying for a job with the state working with developmentally disabled individuals in group homes. Fingers crossed. He really wants this. It doesn't pay a lot and I don't care. I want him to enjoy his job and I really think he would like this. And a state job. Pension, benefits. We need this!
We have appointments tomorrow at the NY Institute of Massage for 50 min massages by students...$35! Cannot wait!!! Haven't had a massage since Vegas!
Not much else going on. I need to find a dress for Michael and Davids wedding...9/21. We booked our hotel room for that night and I am really excited. We have a suite at the Hotel Lafayette that Michael redesigned and we are planning on getting there around 3 to check in. We will get ready for the wedding at 6, walk outside to the square for the ceremony, then go back to the hotel for the reception and stay the night. So excited. A night out with Andy...and then we booked a room for the night of 10/26 for the RUSH concert. And I am off the week before the wedding and we are going camping in Allegany for Dan Sciolinos 40th birthday.
Things to remember: bubble tea at 539 for inventory, missing my team there, smell of fire from Andy burning papers, off tomorrow....massage time!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
Hormones? Who knows!
So from the time I got in the car until almost all the way home, I cried tonight...and I will tell you why.
I get in the car and the first song I hear on 96.1 Delilah is Mr. Big "To be with you". It was "our" song...me and Andy. Let me tell you how it came to be our song:
Picture it, Amherst, 1991 (I crack myself up). I am dating the guy next door (literally). I am 16 and its June and school is out for the summer. A bunch of us from the neighborhood decide to go to Putt Putt after dark. Said boyfriend from next door is dissing me, and there is this tall blonde kid (his friend oddly enough) who spends the whole night trying to cheer me up. I think this kid is annoying...I just wanna be bitchy! But this kid makes me laugh. And he is huge! Like a big teddy bear. Fast forward to the end of the summer. I dump said boyfriend and start to have a relationship with the big blonde teddy bear and every time we are together this song comes on by Mr. Big and the lyrics hit home:
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
Wake up, who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I've seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you
Why be alone when we can be together baby?
You can make my life worthwhile
I can make you start to smile
So I hear this song and it makes me cry...happy tears. 20+ years together and he still wants to be with me and he still makes me smile. And, oddly enough the #222 has been prevalent in our relationship from day 1 and I log onto blogger tonight and it says my page has had 222 views. Coincidence, I think not.
Next song: Mariah Carey "dreamlover". Doug had a Mariah Carey dream the other day, I love the song, the words remind me of Doug and all he is longing for (that hopefully he has found), and reminds me that I have my own dreamlover too. No tears just smiles and a promise to post and tag Doug when I get home.
Next song: Celine Dion "the Heart will go on" or whatever its called from the movie "the Titanic". It came out right after my dad passed away and I remember my mom saying she had to change the station when it would come on because she would think of my dad. They had the relationship that Andy and I have. They were married 30+ years and he was only 63 when he died. My mom a widow at 62. I usually change the station too. Tonight I didn't. I listened to every word and tears came out. Happy and sad. Happy that my mom has great memories, as do I. Sad that even though they had so many years together they could have had so many more.
So that was the tears...then I called my mom. All is well. She is picking my sister and niece and Joe up from the airport tomorrow and Alexis wants a Ted's hot dog for lunch, while Joe wants a beef on weck from Anderson's. It's Joe's first time to Buffalo. Luckily on Sheridan Dr. in Tonawanda they can score both right across from each other. I have dinner with the girls after my last day working at McKinley and the plan is to go to David and Michael's afterward as they are having everyone for taco night. And we discuss going to CT. We all want to go except Alexis...so that probably means we are going!
One more day of work at McKinley, vacation for 7 days, family in town. Life is good.
Things to remember: that I should have done something with music because it inspires me
I get in the car and the first song I hear on 96.1 Delilah is Mr. Big "To be with you". It was "our" song...me and Andy. Let me tell you how it came to be our song:
Picture it, Amherst, 1991 (I crack myself up). I am dating the guy next door (literally). I am 16 and its June and school is out for the summer. A bunch of us from the neighborhood decide to go to Putt Putt after dark. Said boyfriend from next door is dissing me, and there is this tall blonde kid (his friend oddly enough) who spends the whole night trying to cheer me up. I think this kid is annoying...I just wanna be bitchy! But this kid makes me laugh. And he is huge! Like a big teddy bear. Fast forward to the end of the summer. I dump said boyfriend and start to have a relationship with the big blonde teddy bear and every time we are together this song comes on by Mr. Big and the lyrics hit home:
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
Wake up, who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I've seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you
Why be alone when we can be together baby?
You can make my life worthwhile
I can make you start to smile
So I hear this song and it makes me cry...happy tears. 20+ years together and he still wants to be with me and he still makes me smile. And, oddly enough the #222 has been prevalent in our relationship from day 1 and I log onto blogger tonight and it says my page has had 222 views. Coincidence, I think not.
Next song: Mariah Carey "dreamlover". Doug had a Mariah Carey dream the other day, I love the song, the words remind me of Doug and all he is longing for (that hopefully he has found), and reminds me that I have my own dreamlover too. No tears just smiles and a promise to post and tag Doug when I get home.
Next song: Celine Dion "the Heart will go on" or whatever its called from the movie "the Titanic". It came out right after my dad passed away and I remember my mom saying she had to change the station when it would come on because she would think of my dad. They had the relationship that Andy and I have. They were married 30+ years and he was only 63 when he died. My mom a widow at 62. I usually change the station too. Tonight I didn't. I listened to every word and tears came out. Happy and sad. Happy that my mom has great memories, as do I. Sad that even though they had so many years together they could have had so many more.
So that was the tears...then I called my mom. All is well. She is picking my sister and niece and Joe up from the airport tomorrow and Alexis wants a Ted's hot dog for lunch, while Joe wants a beef on weck from Anderson's. It's Joe's first time to Buffalo. Luckily on Sheridan Dr. in Tonawanda they can score both right across from each other. I have dinner with the girls after my last day working at McKinley and the plan is to go to David and Michael's afterward as they are having everyone for taco night. And we discuss going to CT. We all want to go except Alexis...so that probably means we are going!
One more day of work at McKinley, vacation for 7 days, family in town. Life is good.
Things to remember: that I should have done something with music because it inspires me
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Its been too long
So, I guess I have a lot to catch up on. Where to start?
I got the transfer to Boulevard so that is awesome!! I feel like it will be good for me. I am a little nervous because its a high theft store and they have lots of visits and audits but I think it will be good.
Jim got into a car accident the other day. A little nerve wracking...he went off the road right near the house and into the ditch and into the field across the street. A big mess...no health insurance so he didn't go to the doc, deep depression, lots of pain...finally went to the doc...he might have a tumor on the lung??? 2 days of moping and uncertainty...then diagnosed with concussion and air filled cyst on the lung...ugh! I think he is ok now but this depression and moping is for the birds.
So what else? Went to the camper last night. Had some burgers and hung out with Brad and Erika. She tells me all the time how much she liked Doug and wishes he was still here, he would be perfect for her sister. "I am not playing matchmaker with Doug anymore!!!" yells Andy. True that!
We got up this morning and went golfing...well, I went in the cart and rode along and so did Erika. I would like to get into golf though. I think I would like it. Maybe next time Andy goes up there he can get my clubs and we can head over to the driving range and I can get some practice in. Have I done any other exercise? Nope. Have I been eating right? Nope again. Been trying though. Maybe treadmill tomorrow. We finally got the carpets cleaned and things are getting cleaned up little by little so maybe tomorrow I can get in there and do at least 10-15 min to start and get used to it. Even if I just do it for 10-15 min a day I will feel better about it. Its just been so damn hot! Early before it gets to be scorching up there.
Sharon, Alexis and Joe come next week and I am super excited. We may go to CT for a few days to see family. And even if we don't, Alexis has Darien Lake planned, the jet boat, maybe some Maid of the Mist and Erie County Fair. Awesome...can't wait.
We went out to dinner with Paul tonight. He had chemo yesterday so he can work the tournament at Lancaster Country Club tomorrow and the next night. He has a good appetite for a few days after chemo so we went to Viking Lobster Co and mom and I split a 5 pounder. Yummy! It was nice to see Paul. He got his partial teeth so now he doesn't even look like he was even sick. He is down to 202 pounds and looks fabulous! Hasn't even lost his hair with any of the chemo so that is awesome!
What else? Who knows...been watching the olympics...watching right now as a matter of fact.
Life has been good. No complaints and hopefully once I get to Boulevard I can get into a more regular routine. Life has just been crazy lately. Busy after work and not getting to sit down until 9pm at night doesn't do well for starting an exercise routine. I know if I did it I would feel better...ugh!
Things to remember: Beamer doesn't like the car ride to the camper, but he likes it when he is finally there! Cupcake Sauvignon Blanc...delish! Finally feeling like things are coming together...
I got the transfer to Boulevard so that is awesome!! I feel like it will be good for me. I am a little nervous because its a high theft store and they have lots of visits and audits but I think it will be good.
Jim got into a car accident the other day. A little nerve wracking...he went off the road right near the house and into the ditch and into the field across the street. A big mess...no health insurance so he didn't go to the doc, deep depression, lots of pain...finally went to the doc...he might have a tumor on the lung??? 2 days of moping and uncertainty...then diagnosed with concussion and air filled cyst on the lung...ugh! I think he is ok now but this depression and moping is for the birds.
So what else? Went to the camper last night. Had some burgers and hung out with Brad and Erika. She tells me all the time how much she liked Doug and wishes he was still here, he would be perfect for her sister. "I am not playing matchmaker with Doug anymore!!!" yells Andy. True that!
We got up this morning and went golfing...well, I went in the cart and rode along and so did Erika. I would like to get into golf though. I think I would like it. Maybe next time Andy goes up there he can get my clubs and we can head over to the driving range and I can get some practice in. Have I done any other exercise? Nope. Have I been eating right? Nope again. Been trying though. Maybe treadmill tomorrow. We finally got the carpets cleaned and things are getting cleaned up little by little so maybe tomorrow I can get in there and do at least 10-15 min to start and get used to it. Even if I just do it for 10-15 min a day I will feel better about it. Its just been so damn hot! Early before it gets to be scorching up there.
Sharon, Alexis and Joe come next week and I am super excited. We may go to CT for a few days to see family. And even if we don't, Alexis has Darien Lake planned, the jet boat, maybe some Maid of the Mist and Erie County Fair. Awesome...can't wait.
We went out to dinner with Paul tonight. He had chemo yesterday so he can work the tournament at Lancaster Country Club tomorrow and the next night. He has a good appetite for a few days after chemo so we went to Viking Lobster Co and mom and I split a 5 pounder. Yummy! It was nice to see Paul. He got his partial teeth so now he doesn't even look like he was even sick. He is down to 202 pounds and looks fabulous! Hasn't even lost his hair with any of the chemo so that is awesome!
What else? Who knows...been watching the olympics...watching right now as a matter of fact.
Life has been good. No complaints and hopefully once I get to Boulevard I can get into a more regular routine. Life has just been crazy lately. Busy after work and not getting to sit down until 9pm at night doesn't do well for starting an exercise routine. I know if I did it I would feel better...ugh!
Things to remember: Beamer doesn't like the car ride to the camper, but he likes it when he is finally there! Cupcake Sauvignon Blanc...delish! Finally feeling like things are coming together...
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