funsuckers

noun-people who put a damper on your fun, people who always find a way to create drama, people who you no longer want to spend time with because its too much of a hassle, people you have to walk on eggshells around, people who are easily offended even when what you are talking about has nothing to do with them, people who I don't want to be around.

They are everywhere lately.  Am I better off without them?  Feels that way sometimes.  So many friends gone over the years and I ask myself "is it me"...or is it just life?  I look at my mom and she has so many circles of friends...high school, grammar school even, work, my dad's friends...where am I going wrong?  Am I going wrong or is it just the way life goes?  Hesitating making the phone call or sending the text because you really don't want to call or even get the response but you know you *should* call because its the right thing to do.  Let the calls get less and less, then eventually they won't happen at all.  Its something that, if it does happen, if it does cease to exist (the friendship) I really think I may be ok with it.  Nothing bitter, just drifting.  Maybe to come together again at a different point in time.  ugh sometimes I hate being a grown up.

And then seeing these people sucking the fun from others too...not cool.

Drama at work, drama in my personal life..ugh

Good news is my brother is out of the hospital!  Possibly finding out soon when he can start chemo and get this cancer thing over with.

Things to remember:  Andy Tess's baseball game that I missed most of, getting my brother at Buffalo General, mac and cheese when I got home.  How much funsuckers suck!

emotionally drained

5am wake up
6am get to Roswell and check in at admissions
7am wait with Paul in pre-op
7:30am say our goodbyes and send him to the OR...6 hours for surgery
8am breakfast
9am phone call saying tooth extraction went well, sending samples for testing, all going well
10am waiting
11am samples back, no cancer in the lymph nodes, still doing well, proceeding with surgery
12pm waiting
1pm waiting
2pm taking longer than planned, everything going well still
3pm waiting
4pm waiting
5pm doc comes out finally, everything went well, complications possible with vocal chords, tumor was very close and there may be damage...watch for fluid buildup in the lung cavity, because of tooth extraction could be more prone to infection, come in right away...another patient died because he didnt want to come to the hospital...if any sign of infection (coughing blood/mucous come in!!!)  sending to ICU should be able to see him soon...could go home early next week, additional pathology reports should be available by then
6pm low blood pressure, sweating...he maybe had a heart attack on the table?  trying to stabalize...might need to send him to Buffalo General to get a cardiac catheter...will let you know
7pm stabalized...you should be able to go back in 15 min or so, all well, doc goes home
7:30pm call nurse...can we come back?
7:45pm different doc comes out...very serious arythmia (but not that word something else)...still trying to stabalize.  might be a while...an hour?  two?  could still need catheter...we will call you and let you know
9pm stable for now...everything trending better...you can come back and see him but he is on a respirator so he can't talk but you can talk to him

monitors, tubes, bags, cords, beeps, glassy eyes, head nods, tears...

when we talk he wants to talk back...heart monitor beeps...nurse says he is stable, if we leave she will sedate him and he can rest and so can we...so we go

and we wait

Things to remember:  driving to the hospital at 5:45am as the sun came up, sunflowers in the cafeteria, piano and harps playing in the lobby, watching a spider weave a web on the outside of the waiting room window on the 8th floor, the Buffalo skyline, losing it when I went in the ICU room, hearing "time of your life (good riddance)" on the ride home, skinny dogs

Communication

ahh communication...why is it so hard?  I went on an interview today at the Boulevard mall store and Kim asked me about a time when I had coached my boss...I had an example and thinking back on it I wondered, "why is it so hard to communicate with some people?".  My boss being one of them.  But only about certain things.  There are days we can bullshit about anything and then there are days when its so hard to talk to her.

I take for granted sometimes the good communication Andy and I have.  Maybe we didn't always communicate well.  I am sure we didn't.  I guess looking back I assume that it was because I was young, inexperienced at relationships and just didn't know any better.  I guess its the same for others.  Maybe they are just inexperienced.  Or don't realize that their style of communicating isn't effective at getting their message across.  It goes back to the blog about how you can't be heard if no one is listening.  You can try to communicate but if your words fall on deaf ears what good is it?  So that is where I would look inward and ask myself "if I am not getting the result I want, what can I do differently?".

Had a nice talk today with Kim and she shared a lot of insights with me.  She calls herself "new Kim" now and refers to herself as "old Kim" when she describes how she handled situations in the past.   She said she had a visit with our Regional manager who noticed the change in her management style and our Regional asked her "what was her turning point" and she said it was when she started listening.  She started hearing what people around her really thought.  That she was self centered, only cared about how something would benefit her or make her look to her peers and supervisors.  She was surprised when she really started listening to what others were telling her because she hadn't perceived herself that way at all.  She is determined to be the best, very competitive and strives to be an expert at whatever she does.  She is very successful.  Wants to be a District manager and was willing to leave her family for a year to move to another city to get experience.  But one day she realized that her success could help others achieve their goals as well and its great to have a track record of promoting associates to managers but it benefits those associates just as much as it benefits her.  Our DM even told her to stop constantly seeking approval from everyone...everyone knows you know how to do your job, that you are an expert at this or that.  Stop trying to prove yourself to everyone and share your knowledge with them so they can be as good as you are.  Very insightful today.

It took her 37 years to listen.  Sounds like a simple concept.  Listen.

Back to Andy.  I really don't know why we communicate so well.  I guess because we listen.  We tell the truth.  We respect each other.  If I say something or do something to hurt him or piss him off I own up to it.  God forbid I ever mess up one of his guns or fishing poles or whatever.  If I did I would be honest about it, and apologize of course and let him know that I do respect him and his things and would never do anything on purpose to make him angry.   And he would know.  He would listen and be mad maybe for a while.  But he would know I respect him and his things.

I feel like I am rambling here. 

Like the turkey!!!  He knows I didn't drive away on purpose with the turkey in the back of the truck!  LOL!  And he knows I didn't purposely ignore his calls!  haha!  Damn turkey!

So simplicity is the key...respect, listen, be honest.  All will lead to good communication...in theory...right?  So why is it so hard sometimes?  Why is it so hard for some people?

Things to remember:  driving all the way to the Boulevard mall with a turkey on the tailgate, smelly garbage at my mom's house, phones dinging and quacking non stop, Olive Garden's good coffee, cleaning the room for the kids