So the texts with Nicole have been getting more and more normal. I dread seeing her tomorrow. I cried some of the way home. I have never missed her so much. I hope we can work this out and I think we will. Andy saw her yesterday and told her how much of a basketcase I have been since this whole thing blew up on Friday...how I spent the entire day sobbing to him that he could be my best friend for the rest of our lives since I just lost mine. He said she felt bad that I feel that way. He thinks she will want to talk after the wake tomorrow. I don't know about that. Too much going on. In time. It will work out.
She feels I chose Doug's side. I tried to be non biased and maybe I wasn't or at least didn't come across that way. She said that I never told her to stick up for herself and just told her to keep quiet or she would lose Doug. I don't know how that came across in translation. From the beginning when she first told me about the issues they were having back around April or so I told her to see a professional to help her deal with/communicate with Doug. I have no experience dealing with someone who is depressed or has anxiety or whatever it is that Doug has that causes him to lose his temper with her. And I don't have any experience with Doug being that way...I wouldn't have signed her up with that! So for sure I knew something was up...she wouldn't make up a story like that or be so upset over nothing. So I told her back in April to see someone herself to deal with his illness. I gave her some suggestions on how to talk to him, what to do, etc. But she said she had tried everything and that he would just get more and more enraged. So, I don't know what to tell you...talk to a counselor who can give you some real advice. No time. I think that was the first excuse. I may have gotten a maybe. But I could tell it wasn't what she wanted to hear.
Then more conversations. Same advice...see someone. However you are dealing with it, trying to communicate with Doug its not working. You should maybe see someone. No time...too much going on and whatever other excuses. I blogged about not being heard.
Then in the kitchen when Andy was making biscuits. Nicole I really think you should talk to someone about this. I don't know what advice to give you. Nothing I say is going to help you because I don't have experience in this. Try not to talk about things that stress him out. But in the meantime, talk to someone...Then the excuse that she is afraid to talk to someone because they might tell her to break up with him. I don't think so...I think you should talk to someone.
I don't remember saying, just let Doug yell at you and make you feel like shit and cry otherwise you may lose him. In fact I remember Andy and I both saying to her, "the Nicole I know wouldn't take shit from anyone so why is Doug any different? Hang up on him when he's being an asshole!!!".
I don't know how it got lost in translation but somehow she feels that because I didn't chose either side, it means I didn't choose her side and that is what matters. I told her I didn't know what came first, the chicken or the egg. Did Doug's anger make her depressed? Or was she depressed and that made Doug angry? I don't know...all I know is he is seeing someone and not getting anywhere really so maybe you should see someone to see if there is something you can do to help him. To better communicate with him. To ??? I don't know.
Ugh. What a clusterfuck. I hope it will work out for everyone and I am sure it will. I just hate knowing that is what she thinks. That I think she is crazy and the cause of all of this. Not at all what I intended. I was hoping that she would find some strength to stick up for herself and take some time for herself because she has never been able to.
So here I sit. 2am. Dreading the wake tomorrow but anxiously awaiting it to be overwith. I want my friend back. Its been so long. Doug wrote me a long note about how he was sorry I was in the middle of all of this. I wouldn't take anything back. Things happen for a reason. We are all friends for a reason. This came to head for a reason. Grampa died right now for a reason. To bring everyone together? Was it a wake up call? I hope so.
A new hope.
things to remember: feeling the texts getting less awkward, missing Andy and hoping hunting season is coming to an end soon, having a fabulous time yesterday seeing Vic before he goes back to Thailand, secretly liking that Andy was jealous that Vic kissed me goodbye
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